GodSongsHeart2Heart

There is more peace & power in putting a Holy Hush on your angry hurtful words than hurting someone or a relationship with your unresolved hurt & angry words. It shows LOVING strength to keep those angry, hurtful words locked tight behind your lips than to succumb to the weakness & temptation to bite someone with them.
Anger is noisy, unsettling, chaotic, out of control, unreasonable, unapproachable, uninviting, ugly, impatient and shows you are more committed to misunderstanding someone through your judgments, opinions and criticism than you are to the relationship / person you say you love.

You can’t get anywhere good or productive being in the verbal fire of someone’s burning anger. People speaking or writing words fueled and drowned in their anger make it impossible for connection. They also make it impossible for a healing conversation to flow between you & them when they have made it verbally and visibly clear the one who will be showing up will be Mister or Miss Angry who chooses to confront in a noisy & hurtful attacking   way.  Just for the record you were not ever called to spit your words out on anyone! And I am pretty sure that you never liked that kind of verbal Slapping either… So please clean up your anger … Put a holy HUSH on any words that would come out of your mouth and wound another heart like someone once (or continued to) wound  yours…

Rather than choosing to confront others (one sided – I count – you don’t count attitude) why not instead CHOOSE TO CARE-FRONT ( 2 sided – I count – you count- we both count) in a loving way where peaceful,  non-blaming, non- critical, non-shaming and non-condemning mature conversation can happen? Unfortunately, many times their anger and self-centered choice wins out and they go into operation attack mode projecting onto the other person the very things they themselves struggle with or that is full of crazy judgments imaginations that don’t even reflect    the heart, character, intentions or reputation / track record of the one they are lambasting. Sadly, they gravitate to some of the very same unhealthy, harmful forms of critical & negative, non-productive communication they were brought up with that wounded them! Heartbreaking ! I am so sorry if this has ever happened to you! It should never happen especially from those who profess to love you !

IT DOES NOT & WILL NOT EVER BRING HEALING between hearts if one or both hearts involved have an abundance of stored up anger in there. Doesn’t matter where or how the anger got there but anger in a person without love and self-control, etc. can be deadly to relationships. If just one person in the relationship (through “their choice”) chooses to unleash and spew the cankerous bitterness out of their mouths this is the beginning of the downfall. Especially if f their intent (God knows-they know) is to make the other one they are speaking to “feel” their anger with their intimidating & punishing, insulting words & approach – there should be zero expectation or surprise to the angry one if the other person they verbally attacked withdraws from them. To someone whose only desire is peace and a healthy, loving, respectful, honoring and Heart2Heart connection – it’s no deal ! One bad choice made in a heart full of anger aimed towards the other breaks down / dissolves connection. Uncontrolled Anger kills connection and sends the wrong message to someone who only wants peace and healthy connection!

What healthy, wise peace lover who has been in “their line of fire” or seen them talk to others this way would ever intentionally set themselves up for “more of the same” only to be burnt again? Again, if you have already invited them to a peaceful conversation and you were met with “more of the same” showing they are still unwilling to move forward in a loving,      peaceful – no harm – way, you do have yet another peaceful option if they choose their way instead of the way of peace.

If you are a peace lover and don’t want any further hurtful or bad memories with this person nor do you to open yourself up to more of their verbal abuse,      you do have a choice that is a silent & peaceful “no harm” vote that keeps you from being drawn into their chaos & anger and protects your heart and the heart of the relationship from further ruin & damage than their anger influenced choice already has done. In love and for the sake of your commitment to stand by being love and peaceful – as far as it depends on you – you are able to “silently stand your ground” in peace and choose to return a silent response instead of being drawn into a heated lecturing. Your silent response might be the only way your vote for love, peace and a healthy relationship might ever be heard. If they are still in an angry,     unloving and unwilling place their anger will be annoyed,  frustrated and more fueled which is all the better time to step away – create a loving and peaceful space between you – for a season or sometimes for the lifetime of them being more committed to their anger and unloving, unhealthy need for you to be the bad guy instead of them taking ownership of their unloving (unresolved angry) part that made your desire for reconnection and a healthy, loving, safe & peaceful conversation possible. It’s not all of one person’s responsibility to fix it – but it does start with creating a landscape / atmosphere that is loving,      respectful, free of anger, a critical spirit, judgments, assumptions, negative imaginations that are unfounded and that don’t agree , don’t line up with or misrepresent the true reflection of the heart being called into question or projected onto. There is a way that works and one that doesn’t. The voice of Uncontrolled Anger speaking will never work to resolve anything much less even give it a chance for healing to begin.

One way works and one doesn’t! One heals and one infects! One mends and one divides. One brings together and one separates. One chooses love and peace and one chooses self over relationship. One connects and one disconnects. One puts out the fire and one let’s their burning anger set the relationship on fire. It’s burnt toast from there.

Once you unleash the fire of your anger at someone – You’ve burnt the trust and safety in the relationship! You’ve chased peace away between you and the hope for a peaceful conversation and resolve with you. You might meet some that will Aim! Fire! right back at you and meet you toe to toe with angry words right back at you;      however, for those who desire love & are committed to the way of peace, happy memories and happy endings will be driven away by the angry war you really have with yourself inside of your heart. I wish you His healing, peace, joy, love and rest inside of your heart to melt all your anger and the pain of your unresolved / healed wounds. It would be awesome if through your healing journey that someday Love’s voice would begin speaking through you instead. Think how beautiful it would be for the heavy & sorrowful weight of your anger to turn to joy reconnecting with long-lost, family, members or friends. I pray and hope this will be your choice and that experience ! 

I highly value peace in my heart & life.  I It hurts me to see others choose to make war instead of choosing peace. I get that we all experience anger but it is not ever an excuse to verbally unleash your anger on someone. There is a time to speak and a time to be silent but whatever you choose to say let it be loving, peaceful, gentle & kind ! Let it be a word in season that is filled with good signs through your delivery that lets the other person know you are ready to make peace not war. Let your words be beneficial to the listener / reader that would leave them with the good feeling you are for them and the relationship not going to work against it with a rebuking & lecturing from you. If your delivery or words, style or approach looks, sounds or resembles anything like the very critical, down-talking, biting, attacking, discounting. Invalidating, gaslighting,   dogging, power-tripping,      hurtful rebuking you received from someone that said they loved you but you could never feel it through the very same mouth that also wounded you with their words – don’t say it – don’t send it – don’t dish it out the very same unhealthy,      unloving and non-productive way someone did to you! That would just be you repeating and recycling what hurt you and turning around doing it to someone else u reasonably expecting something good to come out of it for you or the relationship. It won’t ! Choose the way of peace ! It’s the best choice to heal the wounds not further bringing more pain with the saltiness of your bitterness and anger infused speech.

If what you want to say does not promote connection or healing for the relationship – be silent. If what you are going to say is more for your benefit but not beneficial foe the other person or healing the relationship – be silent. If someone has a track record for always needing to be right & needing for things to go or be handled their way or their timing – to the point they get angry about it – they will never hear you or validate your feelings – be silent. When you begin to share your heart & feelings and they counter & correct everything you say with their view, opinion, judgments – you are wasting your time – don’t cast your pearls, baby! If you always feel like they have to drive every conversation their way and only seem to have just enough time to get all they wanna say but seem to have to go the minute when you finally get your turn to speak – what you have to say now will never    count, be heard or given the uninterrupted time to actually speak your truth. When they have shown you in times past you are just gonna get more of the same when you try to speak – your silence this time is golden. There will be no 2way conversation anyway like in times past. We are not gonna play that game anymore enabling them to dominate, manipulate or control the conversation on their time, their terms or what have you. Sometimes you just have to choose silence to be heard with those who only prefer or consider their perspective, feelings, their way, method, and timing. Sometimes they give you no other choice when they are so committed to wanting to give you a big lecture about your specks being blinded by their own logs. These are the same logs that have in the past repeatedly caused them to lose one relationship after the other.

I would rather remove myself quietly in peace from the get-go than to ever put myself in a situation where I am gonna end up sitting there in a 1-sided conversation with someone whose anger is out of control ,      who won’t let me talk, who won’t listen or who keeps talking over me or down to me like they are there to teach me a good hard lesson with a good hard truth. No thank you. God bless you. Love you but I won’t be apart of anything that would require me to be apart of something that is enabling to them to treat me like that nor is it love to myself or them to allow any such opportunity for all the additional hurt,      pain, bad memories and division that kind of conversation would cause. If their heart is really that angry and determined for you to feel it and experience their wrath and the bad storm blowing up in their heart –
Get out of the path of destruction. Pray for them. Pray for their peace and healing but whatever you do – don’t participate in it with them.

You stay in peace. Move along quietly in peace. Don’t stick around for things to blow up again because it will. Remember they are angry. They can’t see or hear you. They only see their way – on their time schedule – and are mainly interested in monopolizing the conversation where they get a voice and you won’t. So based on their track record when they are angry – if you aren’t gonna be heard anyways – why speak up or respond ? Save your pearls baby for someone who is gonna value what you feel and what is important to you, respect you and honor your heart’s feelings. You matter in every equation. So don’t be apart of any equation you end up being treated like a zero.
Remain in the love zone – don’t enter their danger zone. Choose the way of peace. If you already can hear and feel the heat from them – it is clear you need to move in the opposite direction they are headed. It may feel hard at first because you love them but it’s not worth the aftermath to stick around.
Time & distance gives space between you that is needed. You keep moving forward in peace and love. Stay the course of your own healing journey. They will never see the problems they keep having is because of them not you – until you are out of the picture. You can’t fix their problems no more than they can fix yours. It’s not your responsibility to take on fixing their anger problems. You keep working on your stuff and let them see theirs so hopefully they will work on their stuff during the space between. The time and space between might be for a little while or longer. Just wait.
Not responding or reacting to their angry outburst or verbal spankings is your silent vote that says you will not participate. You don’t wanna fight. You don’t want to argue. You only want peace. So, choose a silent answer to send anger away. Choose a quiet peaceful exit. They may still be angry about it but at least you won’t be in the path of their anger anymore.
Your silence is a response. Your silence says no thank you. Your silence is not a punishment or a problem. Your silence is the solution you had to choose as a way of finding peace in a relationship with someone who is angry wanting to talk to you however they want to expecting you to just take it…again. Your absence gives the time and space needed. It’s quieting saying Love you but no thank you. I am not going your way. I am going the way of peace and love. I love you more to protect our relationship from being further wounded by your anger. You can come along with me in love and peace but I am not going your way that leads us away from a peaceful conversation or peaceful outcome anymore.

In the interim – keep loving them. Keep praying for them and wishing blessings Ipoh their heart & life. You may not be able to have trusted them with your feelings when they were operating from an angry place but you can always trust God with your feelings. You can trust He knows your heart. Standing up for peace sometimes requires us to do the hardest things that goes against our nature to wanna fix things and make them all better. That takes both or all persons involved to want the same thing and to seek it out in a peaceful manner. It takes sharing how you feel in love and peace but it also requires a listener who will really take the time to hear you and not let their anger interrupt you or invalidate or discount your feelings.

God always lovingly listens to your heart. Your feelings count to Him. He is love and peace always available at all times. He is not angry nor will He treat you like you annoy Him. He looks forward to hearing from you. He is patient. He is tender-loving, kind-hearted, gentle and caring. He is gonna work all things out for the good for those that love Him. We are called to be Kingdom Lovers who as far as it depends on us to walk in peace and love towards one another. That’s your focus always including the space between – during the silence in the interim – be love – be patient in the waiting.

Above all – if it comes down to being noisy to be heard or silent to be heard – I would rather choose a silent response to keep the peace than enable or participate in a hurtful and noisy angry debate. Sometimes you have to be silent to be heard. Don’t join the argument you are being invited to. Choose peace and walk in love with others or if needed for a season – walk away from the argument in silence knowing doing so you are walking in love !
Press pause- stay true to walking in love and peace – as far as it depends on you – no matter what.

 
Remember, with some people & in certain situations…
Sometimes you have to be silent to be heard!
Sometimes Love Sounds Like Silence!

Heart2Heart in His Love,
Momo Smiley