You are not wrong for expecting to be treated right, or for asking someone to honor a boundary or to respect your space, privacy or you as you pursue keeping “first things first.”
You are not wrong for asking someone to respect your desire to pursue and stay in peace internally & externally with others. You are not wrong for asking someone to give you the time that is needed to take care of yourself, your spouse & your loved ones needs before you are able to know if or when or how much time you do or don’t have to give above and beyond personal / family priorities that come first.
You get to decide how people treat you. You get to decide how to use the time that has been gifted to you. You get to choose to be a good steward of that time without others un-lovingly pressuring or guilting you into amy commitment or conversation to prove your love or loyalty to them.
It should never be or feel like someone is testing you or trying to get you to move or compromise your boundary to prove your love or loyalty to them or their importance in your life. Their expectation that you would move your boundary just for them and forsake your first and foremost responsibilities to your loved ones or even yourself is just out of place. They are being inconsiderate and thinking of themselves & not you or your loved ones. Either they are only focused on themselves or choose not to be understanding or they just don’t value & respect you & your priorities you have to take care of first.
It’s not your responsibility to sacrifice your first priorities for the sake of not ruffling their feathers. They can learn love is patient & kind & that patience is the most loving kind response they can have while you are taking care of your first priorities until you have free time to give them. Love is not grumpy when it doesn’t get it’s own way. It’s not me-first. Love patiently waits. Good things surely come to those who are love – to those who patiently wait in love. Love is patient and kind in actions, words and attitude in the interim. Be love from start to finish and the space in between.
You cannot be apart of other equations subtracting yourself from being apart of the most important equations first. We are responsible for ourselves, our spouses, family & loved ones to whom we are first committed. When extra time presents itself we have spare time to share with others but first things come first. Anyone that loves you should fully understand and respect that especially when you have given this gift of understanding and patience to them anytime they needed it most to focus on their priorities.
A mutually giving relationship is healthy. Sometimes there may be something going on more in the life of one person than the other person. So, in those cases it may require the person who is not under pressure to create space / room for the other one who is under pressure to feel that it’s ok if they have to tend to the urgency of the need they have. If this is you that is under pressure you don’t need someone adding more pressure to you You should be able to simply say I am not able to do “xyz “ right now without having to apologize, explain or feel pressure as if you need to be all things to all people. What a gift it is to have someone that says I understand. No worries. Take care of you and those you love and we will get together whenever things settle down. Adding more pressure or making it about you in a negative way just isn’t love. Someday you will need someone to be understanding of you. Give that gift freely to others, as well. The world doesn’t revolve around anyone. So make sure you aren’t sending that message to others. It’s not love. Love doesn’t seek its own.
Love is not me-first Love doesn’t look like or sound like pressure, force, guilt tripping, shaming, controlling or manipulating someone passively or aggressively into anything – not a relationship or a favor, etc. I shouldn’t even have to say that but it happens as much as we let it keep happening. If you are tired of it – set your boundaries, vocalize your boundaries if and when needed and honor, keep & respect your own boundaries as you expect others to honor and respect them. If you don’t honor & keep your own boundaries, how can you expect others to honor them if they don’t see you honoring & keeping them yourself?
Support your own healthy goals & desire to have healthy relationships by setting up boundaries that help you to accomplish those goals and desires. Then follow them yourself. Most people who love you will support you and then there will be some that will not support you but try to coerce, condemn, guilt, etc. you into compromising your boundaries using the whole “if you love me” you will move, lift or change your boundary for them.
Please don’t enable people to do this to you. It’s not love to enable others who choose to be unloving, unhealthy, toxic and just so plain self-centered as if you should revolve your time and plans around taking care of their needs before your own. If they aren’t working hard on their own problems and expect you to work on or give more
time to working on fixing their problems than they do – you are simply enabling them to become unhealthily dependent on you which we all know what that creates in a relationship. Codependency
The most loving & supportive thing you can do for them is to not get drawn into or become the one they depend on to do for them what they should be doing for themselves. That also sets you up to be blamed if things don’t go the way they expect. Instead of them learning to take responsibility & own their part you will be their scapegoat and it will in their eyes be all your fault if what they expected doesn’t happen, etc.
One of the most loving gifts you can give to someone who is pursuing to better their life, heal & be healthy on all levels, prioritize & take care of their spouse & family and goals is to support them. It takes a lot of needed & consistent effort & time to accomplish these desires & high priorities. There is a lot to balance out and time that goes into taking care of yourself and also those within your home that is not always understood or seen from the outside. So, decide in your heart you will give them the time, room & space needed to take care of those priorities first. Decide you won’t take it personally, judge or make it about you if you have to wait your turn before they are able to get back to you, text or call you, meet with you, etc. You will 100% feel bad and sad if you make their temporary unavailability about you in a negative way. That’s not supportive, helpful or healthy at all for the relationship. That kind of pressure is just damaging.
It makes you feel bad and get hurt when it has nothing to do with whether you are loved or important or not to them. It makes them feel bad and stressed because they already have enough on their plate trying to meet & keep their priorities and the added unnecessary pressure from you is a recipe for leaving a bad taste in their mouth and is a killer to a loving Heart2Heart connection.
You are supporting them when you honor, respect and rally them on to keep taking care of Godly, personal care or marital / family priorities first. It’s not about you if they are practicing, purposing & pursuing healthy, loving, Godly & honorable commitments & promises they have made to God, themselves & their loved ones. The more you give understanding the more they can focus on what they need to focus on and not spending their energy having to also think about you being upset. Let them off the hook and don’t make them feel responsible for you. In good time they will be able to circle back around to you but you can make it easier on them to let them know you are good until that free time comes. You are gonna be ok, I promise.
It feels good to be flexible with others. It feel good to let them off the hook they thought they were gonna be on. It feels good to give them the gift maybe no one else really gave them was to count themselves in & include themselves in the equation. So many that have been brought up to try to make everyone else happy often lost themselves in the mix because they didn’t feel how they felt or what they needed to do counted, mattered or was important. They were made to feel responsible to make everyone else happy, pleased and put first and they got left in the dusty leftovers or nothing overs.
Everyone counts. Everyone matters. Don’t lose yourself trying to make everyone else happy denying yourself the right to not only be important but treat yourself and your needs as important, too. Don’t lessen yourself and zero yourself out putting everyone else’s needs as priority and counting yourself out. It’s not leave yourself out. It’s as you take care of yourself you will have more to give and share with others when the time makes itself available. Don’t disclude yourself in the equation. I don’t mean make yourself more important and small not being considered at all. I mean take care of you and your significant others in your house first. That is love. You will have more to give when you have time to give it if you make time for first things first. Time with God matters first. You matter. Your spouse matters. Your kids matter. Your extended family matters. Your loved ones and close friends matter. Your sisters and brothers in Christ matter. Your pets matter. Everyone matters but there is a priority order that you take care of first. You don’t not care about those down the list but you have to take care of those first priorities first with your first fruit of time you have. God will use you in time but He can also use and love on others and use other things to help others out in the interim until you are ready. Don’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders trying to carry everyone else. Only Jesus is able to do that. You still can pray for them and encourage them in other ways until you are able to freely give of your time to them in additional ways. Not saying don’t help but don’t stress yourself out and count yourself out killing yourself to help someone else and not take care of yours and your family’s needs first. God isn’t only depending on you to help. His sources and ways are higher and far exceed our supply, sources, ways, time & ability. He’s got them while you are caring for you and your family first. Barring an emergency you are free to keep taking care of first things first. When you are ready you will be all there instead of feeling divided, resentful or stressed / pressured. It will be the gift you want it to be when the time is right.
Above all – love is priority. Love is patient and kindly waits patiently. Love resists a me-first attitude and supports others who when they need to first focus on what is first priority. When the time is right – and available – the more lovingly patient and kind you are in the waiting with them – the more free they are to fully focus on being there for you when they are able to. GOd is in the space with you between the now & not yet. He’s gotcha good. Let Him be who you first turn to – your first priority – and just at the right time He will send you a Jesus with skin on friend who is ready and able to be who He has fashioned and created to be for you ! It just takes a little patience, understanding and love in the meantime to give others the space & time needed to be available. Could just be seconds, minutes, maybe a hour, sometimes a day, week and possibly in some cases a month, etc. depending on the crisis or weight of things going on in their lives.
You have God through it all. He is right there with you and would love nothing more than Him being your first priority & your main go-to ! Somehow when we put Him first ~ all else works together for good because we love Him and chose to WAIT WITH HIM (bind ourselves, braid ourselves, entwine ourselves closer and closer to Him) in the waiting while waiting patiently in love for our Jesus with skin on friend to be ready !
Love is a win-win for everyone. Everyone counts including you. Sometimes we just have to remember it is about us but not all about us. It’s ok if someone has to take care of themselves or family first just like it is OK if you have to take care of yourself or family first. It’s not forsaking or leaving someone out to press pause, hold or postpone until you are able to be all there for them. It’s not unloving to ask for understanding or a little time to sort or work things out in your own life before you commit to trying to work something else out in someone else’s life. That space in between there I can’t do that right now, but I am able to do “xyz” n this moment (maybe it’s prayer, for example) until I am able to do “abc” at some point later. It’s ok. You got this.
May love return back to you on many waves. Sowing into taking care of yourself and your spouse/family as your first ministry is pleasing to the Lord. It will give you full love buckets to pour out to others in God’s perfect timing !
Love to all of you ! My favorite is loving you & encouraging you to love God, yourself and others with His love ! You are important. You matter ! You are precious and worth being treated your full value and worth! Don’t treat yourself less than you deserve and treat others the way you would love to be treated with love, kindness, patience and understanding. Everyone should give and receive these gifts to one another. Your importance God made you with is not minimized no matter what. Others may not be able to be there for you until they are able but the best gift is knowing God always is with you and loves to be your very Present – Helper IN your time of need which is in a greater way than anyone on this earth is able to ever be for you.
Thank you to each of you who have ever been there for me when you are able and to what extent you have been there for me. I just appreciate the gift of you and your love foremost. Just knowing you would if you could and that your love is with me is the most precious gift of all. I don’t ever expect anything but I do thank you if and when you are able to whatever degree you are able to be love to me. Just knowing you love me is enough ♥️ That’s the best gift you could ever give just knowing and feeling that !
Love to you all & to all – all the love in my heart to you – I will be here for you best I am able to in whatever way or timing I am able to be. Thank you for your love – and patiently waiting with me in the space between ♥️
Heart2Heart in His Love,
Momo Smiley
KINGDOM OF LOVE
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RECEIVE MY LOVE
222 to the 222’tune Of His LOVESONG ! His Love Notes He sings over me composes His Love Songs -my Godsongs- through me! ~ ~♥ 2 ♥ ~ Momo Smiley
~ ♥ 2 ♥ ~ Momo Smiley